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Dedicate to Collaborate

Reflections from a peacemaking lawyer and mediator dedicated to collaborative problem-solving.

Mediation

Nancy Retsinas
Jul
01

Managing the divorce process when the courts are (mostly) closed.

2020-07-01
Twenty-four hours a day, 7 days a week, quarantined together for the foreseeable future…even the strongest of couples and the happiest of families are feeling the pressure right now. However, despite the reported rise in divorce rates in China due to COVID-19, in my practice at least, I haven't seen any evidence to show that shelter-in-place orders...
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Nancy Retsinas
Mar
16

How I’m making dispute resolution even easier

2020-03-16-2
I've always had a passion for access to justice –– a fundamental tenet of the work I do is that everyone should be able to get the legal help they need, no matter who they are, or what's going on for them. Above all, it matters to me that my practice is "human-friendly," by which I mean, it needs to work with your life, not the other way around. An...
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mediation Portland oregon Vancouver Washington
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Nancy Retsinas
Jan
28

The two big mistakes people make in trying to get at the "truth" of a conflict

2020-01-13-2
Imagine that you're overseeing a mediation between a couple who's getting a divorce. One person tells a story of being abandoned, painting a picture where their spouse is never there for them, behaves irresponsibly, and has clearly demonstrated that they don't want to be in the marriage any more. The other spouse looks at them like they're crazy, a...
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divorce Divorce lawyers mediation
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Nancy Retsinas
Jan
15

Hanlon’s razor: the brain behavior that could be the answer to a peaceful divorce.

2020-01-14-2
Ever feel like absolutely everyone is out to get you? Your new colleague is a bit short with you during your morning meeting, so you assume they don't like you very much. The woman in the grocery store almost knocks you over in her hurry to get to the checkout. What is her problem? Your kid yells at you the minute they get home from school — you ju...
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Nancy Retsinas
Jan
06

The brain behavior that could be controlling your divorce: reactive devaluation.

2019-12-01-2
Would you support a drastic bilateral nuclear arms reduction program? That was the question posed to pedestrians in the US back in the 1980s. The results were fascinating — and go a long way towards explaining why achieving a peaceful divorce settlement can be so very difficult. A certain number of those surveyed were told the proposal for the prog...
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Nancy Retsinas
Dec
01

The real reason I’m in law – and how it’s shaping what I do next.

When I first passed the bar and started working in a private firm back in 1991, my mentors pointed me in two directions: first, to juvenile delinquency court to provide indigent defense services to juveniles charged with crimes; and second, to the Clark County Volunteer Lawyers Program (CCVLP) to volunteer with their family law legal aid clinic. I ...
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defense services Clark County Volunteer Lawyers Program family law
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Guest — Dana Greyson
Hmmm. Now I'm really curious to hear what's next for you. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's awesome and you will rock at it.
Wednesday, 04 December 2019 19:46
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Nancy Retsinas
Nov
14

Mediation vs. arbitration: choosing the best alternative dispute resolution for your divorce.

2019-11-14-15
Like so many couples these days, you're probably shying away from settling your divorce via litigation. Maybe you don't have the heart for a public process, the finances for a court battle, or you're still hopeful that you can end things reasonably amicably. Whatever the reason, you're considering alternative methods of conflict resolution. But the...
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Nancy Retsinas
Nov
06

Returning the favor: why reciprocation bias is making your divorce harder than it needs to be.

2019-11-06-2
Think about a time when a friend invited you to dinner or offered you a ride you felt an intense desire to cook for them next time, or to return the favor in some way, didn't you? And sure, you assumed that was simply because you've been brought up that way, or because you think it's nice to be nice, but actually there's a really powerful psycholog...
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Divorce lawyers mediation Portland reciprocation bias oregon
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Nancy Retsinas
Oct
06

Cognitive Dissonance (or how Ben Franklin can help settle your divorce).

2019-10-06-3
Have you heard of the Ben Franklin effect? Benjamin Franklin, the scientist and politician, had a bitter rival. But when he discovered that his rival owned a rare book that Franklin needed, he swallowed his pride and asked to borrow the book. The rival obliged and Franklin returned the book the following week, along with a thank you note. To Frankl...
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Mikalea Bolds
Love this - really has me thinking...
Monday, 07 October 2019 14:33
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Nancy Retsinas
Sep
08

The brain behaviors controlling your divorce: confirmation bias.

tim-gouw-bwki71ap-y8-unsplash
"He just said what?" When conflicts arise it feels like logic and rationality are the first things we toss aside. We end up saying and doing things that feel completely out of character and reacting in ways that even we can't understand. The inevitable outcome is, of course, heightened tension and petty arguments that become all-out war. But here's...
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Nancy Retsinas
Sep
01

You’ve decided on mediation — do you still need a divorce attorney? The answer may surprise you.

2019-10-10-2
Divorce lawyers really do get a bad rap. Many folks see them as blood-thirsty demons who'll try their best to turn a squabble into a war and suck your bank account dry in the process. So if you're exploring mediation as a more peaceful way of handling your separation, it would make sense if you were a little leery of attorneys in general. But is th...
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Divorce lawyers mediation attorneys Portland OR
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Nancy Retsinas
Jul
23

Custody and the court system: why it might not be the solution you're looking for.

When it comes to divorce and relationship breakdown, for every person desperate to avoid the courtroom, there's another who thinks that court is the only solution. As soon as they realize that a separation is on the cards they start to draw battle lines. They begin lining up their evidence in an attempt to "prove" that their spouse or co-parent is ...
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co-parenting divorce relationship breakdown battle lines family court
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Nancy Retsinas
Apr
01

The 5 biggest mistakes people make in custody cases

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Your children are incredible; there isn't a thing you wouldn't do for them. The thought of someone — a stranger — telling you when, where, and how often you can spend time with them is more than you can stand…which is why you're prepared to fight tooth and claw for them. When you're faced with a custody battle, fear, anger, and strong emotion take ...
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Nancy Retsinas
Mar
29

How do you find the best divorce mediator?

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How do you find the best divorce mediator? Unfortunately, making the difficult decision to proceed with your divorce is only the first in a whole line of difficult decisions. The second decision is a pivotal one; how are you going to find the best person to help you navigate the whole process? After all, the professional you choose to work with wil...
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Nancy Retsinas
Feb
20

Mediation vs. collaborative law: which is the right one for your divorce?

Mediation vs. collaborative law: which is the right one for your divorce?
You've made the decision: you're going ahead with the divorce. Now, before you Google "divorce attorney Portland/Vancouver" and steel yourself for the stress, upset, and eye-watering costs of a trip to the courtroom, ask yourself this: "What do I want my divorce to look like?" It may well be that you're not going to escape litigation. Sometimes, fo...
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Nancy Retsinas
Jan
23

7 Strategies for a Smoother Divorce

7 Strategies for a Smoother Divorce
Out with the old, in with the new?  This season is the perfect storm when it comes to divorce: holiday stress, financial strain, lots of time spent with the in-laws, all closely followed by the inevitable desire for New Year renewal. We're all looking for things to give up; not-so-great habits, not-so-great attitudes, and apparently, not-so-gr...
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Nancy Retsinas
Jan
09

The Butterfly Effect: Why We Should Make 2019 a Year of Collaboration, Not Conflict

The Butterfly Effect: Why We Should Make 2019 a Year of Collaboration, Not Conflict
We just can't help it. As soon as the ball drops in Times Square, we start thinking self-improvement.  The questions begin: how do I avoid the same mistakes I made last year? How do I become the best version of myself? How do I make this year a year of health and happiness, a year of progress, and a year of peace?  And sure, there are som...
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This will be my year of collaboration.
Thursday, 10 January 2019 10:04
Nancy Retsinas
Oh Nan, you've been collaborating for years!!!!
Thursday, 10 January 2019 19:41
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Nancy Retsinas
Dec
19

5 Mediation-Inspired Tips for Keeping Calm During the Holidays

5 Mediation-Inspired Tips for Keeping Calm During the Holidays
I bet every single one of you can remember at least one awkward holiday meal ruined by tactless family members, heated political debate, or the airing of past grievances. Even the happiest, most peace-loving families can begin to show a few cracks over the pumpkin pie.  And just think, we get to do it all again this month for Christmas! When i...
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Nancy Retsinas
Dec
12

The Most Important (And Often-Overlooked) Tool for Conflict Resolution

The Most Important (And Often-Overlooked) Tool for Conflict Resolution
Isn't it frustrating when someone just won't listen to you? You've begged, reasoned, pleaded and things still aren't getting done the way you want them. You're the only one pulling your weight and you've had enough. So you call on a mediator.  A quick fix?​​ The relief is immediate — finally you'll get things sorted. After months (or years!) o...
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Nancy Retsinas
Nov
14

Why is everyone talking about mediation?

Why is everyone talking about mediation?
All hail the Internet! Thanks to the power of Google we all have instant access to the kind of legal information that was previously only dished out directly by our attorney. With a few clicks of a button you discover that an expensive lawsuit and a bitter court battle is not the only path to conflict resolution. You quickly learn it's not even the...
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